


Hand on Heart

by IndigoJuly



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid!Lucy, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Nonbinary Alex Danvers, Other, very brief transphobia and misgendering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28827399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoJuly/pseuds/IndigoJuly
Summary: Coming out as nonbinary to Eliza was never going to be easy for Alex, but at least they have Maggie and Lucy to lean on.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 13
Kudos: 46





	Hand on Heart

**Author's Note:**

> CW for Eliza reacting badly to Alex coming out as nonbinary and saying some transphobic things. It's brief but Eliza is definitely not kind.
> 
> Lucy is genderfluid and switches between Lucy and she/her, and Leon and he/him in this fic (always giving thanks to [DisplacedWarrior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisplacedWarrior/pseuds/DisplacedWarrior) and [NerdsbianHokie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdsbianHokie/pseuds/NerdsbianHokie) for that headcannon!). Alex is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns. I’m not sure where I first read that headcanon, or who came up with it first so thanks to everyone who’s written nb!Alex, (and trans/GNC Supergirl characters in general)!

Maggie was so, so proud of Alex and Leon. 

For everything they did at their jobs. Being brave in the face of danger, putting others before themselves.

For everything they did as a triad. Checking in with each other, communicating their wants and needs.

For everything they did on the couch. Showing vulnerability, baring their hearts and trusting they would be caught.

That last one was the one she was thinking about now. 

Today was Maggie’s night to pick a movie, so they were sprawled across the couch with Godzilla rampaging in the background. Leon with his jacket sans binder to give his body a break. Alex with theirs on since they had been sparring and then out in the field and hadn’t been able to wear it. 

Maggie gazed at the two from her spot at the end of the couch, just taking them in. It made her so unbelievably happy to see them  _ be _ , to relax into themselves and just exist as they were.

“Mags?”

“Hmm?” She refocused on Alex’s eyes. 

“You were doing the thing where you just kinda… stare at us,” Alex chuckled. “It’s cute.”

“Well you and Leon are just so handsome, I can’t help myself.”

Alex burst out into a full smile and Leon laughed next to them. “Aw, Maggie just can’t take her eyes off of us.” He hooked an arm around Alex's shoulders and leaned a little over them to look at Maggie with soft eyes and a warm smile. “And we can’t stop admiring you.”

One day her heart really would burst from the sheer amount of  _ love _ in her life now.

“Dimples!” Alex poked gently at them and Maggie easily flipped from adoration to amusement and playfully batted away their hand.

“Alright, we’re clearly not watching this," she tipped her head towards the TV, "anymore. Cuddle on the bed?”

“Oh,” Alex glanced between Maggie and Leon. “I actually had something I wanted to talk about?” 

“Of course Al,” Leon said, shifting back from Alex to turn towards them. He reached for them again and squeezed their hand, reassuring.

“So, you know how Eliza is coming over?” They got nods from Maggie and Leon. “I was thinking,” they paused, eyes dropping to their lap. “I want to try coming out to her. As nonbinary. What do you guys think?” 

Maggie considered for a moment, though she had already been half expecting it. She heard Leon hum quietly, then he glanced over to meet her eyes. Silently communicating.

"Ok," Maggie smiled, placing her hand over Alex's thigh and squeezing gently. "We want to support you, Al. So if you want to, then we'll be there to back you up." 

"But we all know Eliza," Leon said, waiting for Alex to look at him. "She’s still trying to wrap her head around us, and even if she didn’t say outright transphobic things to me back at the DEO when she got corrected…” 

“I know,” Alex sighed, remembering the time when Eliza’s expertise was needed at the DEO and Leon had refused to pretend to be Lucy in his space. In the space that he had finally felt safe to be Leon in.

“I’m just so tired of hiding it,” Alex continued. Their free hand came up to run through their hair, then dropped slightly to scratch at their neck. “You guys have been so great, Kara has been great, Winn, James, and J’onn… I mean—” A helpless, nervous laugh. ”I’m not expecting it to go smoothly. It’s Eliza. But I think that if you guys are there, I can at least manage.”

“Of course we’ll be there.” Maggie gently pried Alex’s hand away from the spot on their neck that was getting red. Turned it over in her hand and traced the lines there. Smoothed over the rougher calluses she knew by heart as she looked into Alex’s eyes. “Whether you want to come out or not, we’ll be there for you.”

“Forever,” Leon finished. 

\--

Without fail, an impending Eliza visit was preceded by a chaotic morning. 

Alex woke before their alarm and their shifting under the covers quickly woke Lucy, who’s goan and flailing arm woke Maggie.

“I’m sorry,” Alex muttered, sincere but unable to completely hide the undercurrent of stress in their voice.

“It’s fine, it’s only—” Lucy shifted in between the two, glancing over Maggie to the nightstand. “6:54. That’s pretty good.”

“We said we’d try to sleep in on weekends though. And you hate mornings.” Alex had just woken up and Maggie could already tell that they were miserable.

Lucy turned back towards Alex. “We all know that it never pans out on Eliza days. Don’t worry about it, Al. It gives us time to make pancakes instead of toast.”

Alex sighed. By the way their fingers flexed against the covers, Maggie guessed that they were torn between burrowing themselves back into the bed and trying to fit in an early-morning run.

“Do you want Lane and I to get a head start on getting up and making pancakes, and you can take a run?” Maggie propped herself on her elbow to look across at Alex. To watch them dig the heels of their palms into their eyelids. 

“No, no, I should help you guys.” They groaned as they rolled out of bed. 

“Danvers, it’s fine, seriously. And well, don’t get up too fast. We don’t need a repeat of the pancake incident,” Lucy teased.

“It wasn’t that bad!”

“Need I remind you of how extensive the damage was?”

“Alright, alright!” Alex raised her hands up in surrender but it got a smile out of them. “Lucy or Leon?” 

A brief pause, then “Lucy,” and under her breath, “Thankfully.” Because as awful as it was to feel grateful about it, Eliza was still a bit of a wild card. And so this was one less reason for misgendering and not-so-subtle hostility.

“You know we can always cancel or give you an excuse if that’s ever not the case and you don’t feel comfortable,” Alex said, sitting back on the edge of the bed and fixing a lock of Lucy’s hair. She nodded into the touch and hummed in understanding. Smiled when Maggie kissed her exposed shoulder. Then laughed when she felt Maggie lick at the skin. 

“Mm, we could always forgo pancakes in favor of early morning cuddles,” Maggie suggested.

Alex’s answer was crawling back under the covers. 

“Someone switch with me, I’ll be too hot if I stay in the middle,” Lucy whined. Maggie shuffled to the edge, encouraging Lucy to follow. That left room in the middle of the bed for Maggie to move to. 

Or rather, room for Maggie to latch onto Lucy and roll them both over, getting tangled in the covers in the process. 

Alex burst out into laughter behind them as they detangled themselves, and Maggie could feel the persistent smile in Alex’s kisses that fell on her back and neck.

Until Alex’s alarm interrupted the moment.

“Rude,” Lucy muttered into Maggie’s collarbone.

And behind Maggie, “Lucy, you can’t hit  _ me _ to turn off my alarm—I’m not the alarm!”

\--

“Can’t decide?” After watching Alex stare down at the binder in their hands for too long, Maggie walked up to them, placing her hand on their shoulder.

“No, I just—” A resigned sigh fell from their lips and they gripped the fabric tighter. “It’s Eliza. I always feel like I need to perform in front of her.”

“Whether you wear it or not, it don’t make you any less nonbinary.” Maggie leaned down to kiss the patch of skin where their shoulder sloped into their neck. 

“I know, I just don’t know whether I actually want to bind for me, or whether I think I need to bind to seem more… nonbinary to her.”

“You are nonbinary. Whatever you do and wear is ‘nonbinary enough’. What would you do if Eliza wasn’t coming over?” When Alex didn’t respond, Maggie trailed her hand across their shoulder and up their neck to reach the short undercut.

Alex tipped their head back and relaxed into the touch. “I don’t know, Eliza just makes me…”

“Think you’re always doing something wrong?” Lucy walked up to them and lightly rested her chin on Alex’s other shoulder.

The last of the tension in Alex’s shoulders dropped with a huff. “Exactly.”

“You’re not. You can't be wrong at being yourself.” Lucy’s voice was firm while the hand that came up to their elbow was gentle. “And you are smart, hard-working, caring, diligent, and you deserve to be yourself today and every day after that.”

Alex inhaled and Maggie could see the gears turning in their head as they processed the words. Repeated each in their head to try to convince themselves that they were true. Finally, they gave a little nod. “Ok. Ok, I’m—I’m going to wear it.”

“Ok.” Maggie smiled and squeezed their shoulder. “We love you and we’re so proud of you, babe. No matter what happens today. Whether you tell Eliza or not.”

“I love you both, too. Thank you.” And in Maggie and Lucy’s hands, they relaxed.

\--

The anxiety was returning with each passing minute.

Between eating bites of pancake, Maggie saw Alex attempt to use their fingers to depill another section of the throw blanket in their lap, pulling at the loose bits of fabric until they gave or until it was clear that they couldn’t remove the fibers with their nails.

Lucy suggested they play video games, a good way to distract Alex’s mind and hands with something engaging. Alex's leg continued to bounce, but it tapered off slowly with each passing minute. 

Until Alex’s phone vibrated. 

Eliza was set to arrive in five minutes. 

“Breathe, babe.” Maggie ran a soothing hand up and down their thigh while Alex fought to let go of the sudden tension returning to their body. "Remember what we talked about."

“We love you,” Lucy said, “No matter what.”

\--

“Excuse me?” Eliza’s voice was whisper quiet but drew everyone’s attention. Lucy stiffened, pulled her shoulders ever so slightly back and Maggie saw the subtle movement of her arm going to touch Alex’s knee. Maggie allowed her head to turn a degree to glare at the woman next to her, but kept an eye on Alex. And from her position across from them, she saw how something died a little inside their eyes.

“I—I’m nonbinary,” Alex repeated. Pulled their arms into themselves, fisted their hands in their sleeves, and frantically sought out Lucy and Maggie’s eyes for comfort as they tried to say the words they had rehearsed together. “I’m not a woman, and I’m not a man. I’m—”

Eliza spoke over them, dismissive. “That doesn’t exist.”

This was going to spiral out of control. 

Maggie felt the tension rising, saw the way Alex froze, and she tried to de-escalate. “Eliza, this is something that Alex thought was important to tell you, you should listen.”

“It’s a ridiculous notion." Alex flinched at the rejection, turning their head away as if slapped. Maggie ached to wrap them in a hug. She settled for pressing her ankle against theirs, a gentle reminder that she was there. "Alexandra, you can’t possibly—”

“How dare you speak to them that way.” Lucy's voice barely controlled when she felt Alex grab her hand under the table and tremble. “Alex is your child, and you’re just going to ignore who they are? And beyond that, there are millions of trans and nonbinary people in the US alone. It’s been accepted by people in the medical community for decades, and by indigenous—”

“And what would you know about any of that? There are—” 

“I clearly know more than you.”

“You can’t possibly condone this.”

Something inside Lucy snapped. 

“Condone?” The words spoken with slow disbelief. “Is that what you think this is?” she leaned forward, daring Eliza to try interrupting her again. “Maggie and I fully support and love Alex  _ because _ they are being themselves. Don’t you see how much you’re hurting them by not doing the same?”

“Oh I see,” Eliza sneered. “You’ve convinced my daughter with your own delu—”

“I've done nothing to your  _ child _ but listen to them and love them for who they are. You should try it sometime. Alex deserves better than you.” Fury burning in her eyes, Lucy looked ready to stand up, but Alex gripped her hand harder and pulled it into their lap.

“Eliza.” Alex found their voice, vulnerable but steadfast. “Lucy let me see that I didn’t have to be a woman because society said I was.” Eliza opened her mouth but Alex pushed forward. “Lucy being who she is—she helped give me permission to see who I really am and to be who I am. And how dare you,  _ how dare you _ accuse her of manipulating me?”

“Alexandra, I thought you were better than this.”

The moment the words registered to Alex’s ears, Maggie saw their eyes flick down to their free hand balancing on the edge of the table. Their fingers rubbed in a silent snap once, twice, three times.

“Enough.” Maggie stood up straight, turning her body to face Eliza. One hand firmly pressed on the edge of the table, the other fisted behind her back in anger. “You clearly aren’t listening. You aren’t welcome here anymore. Get out.” 

Eliza held her glare. Maggie started counting. If she wasn’t leaving after the count of three—

“You can show yourself out.” Alex wasn’t asking.

“Well, I see you’ve made your choice.” Eliza’s chair screeched against the floor as she pushed it out from the table abruptly. 

She walked out without looking back.

Maggie turned to see Alex dodge Lucy’s offered embrace, instead heading straight for the bed. Then turn around to walk back towards the kitchen with their arms pulled in close, hugging themselves.

Maggie saw her own concern reflected in Lucy’s eyes. But in the face of this type of rejection, Alex needed to cope, needed to move to quiet their racing thoughts a little before they could talk or accept touch on their itching skin.

All Maggie and Lucy could do was wait.

“I shouldn’t have let my hopes get up.” Alex had been silently pacing for the last few minutes. This was the first time they had spoken since. Voice strained and worryingly convinced.

“And I feel stupid since this is exactly what I should have expected from Eliza.” They whirled around as they reached the front of the bed. 

“Of course she would refuse to listen.” They traced their steps back past the table to the kitchen counter towards the stools that Maggie and Lucy occupied. 

“She hasn’t changed at all.” Retraced their steps to the bed again. 

“I will never," Maggie's heart broke along with Alex's voice, "be enough.” They slowed to a stop, hunched over themselves, just out of reach.

“Babe. You are always enough,” Maggie whispered, offering her hand palm up. Alex eyed it warily for a moment, but took it with a sigh. “Sit with us on the couch?”

Alex gave a single nod and let Maggie guide them to the corner of the couch. With their back to the armrest, they made themselves small, drawing their legs up beneath them and leaning sideways into the couch. Maggie draped the throw blanket over their knees and sat down facing them.

Lucy crouched down by the couch. “Do you want to hear our thoughts or do you want to keep venting? Or we can just sit here.”

After a moment, they sighed. “No, it’s ok. We can talk. But, the fireplace first? Please?”

Lucy was already moving. “Of course.” 

As Lucy got the fire going, Maggie let Alex take her hand. They brushed their fingers over the boney mountains and valleys of her knuckles, gentle over the tendons. Grounding.

“We love you Al,” Maggie hummed appreciatively at the touch.

“We do,” Lucy affirmed, settling on the couch's chaise to the right of Alex. “You aren’t stupid for hoping.” Alex tensed, eyes still locked on Maggie's hand. “You aren’t.”

They flipped Maggie’s hand over to press their thumb into her palm. Each drag across the skin matched with a careful breath. 

“Do you remember what we talked about before?” Lucy prompted after a moment of silence.

“Remind me?” So small and quiet that the other two strained to hear.

Lucy shifted and leaned into Alex. “You lived under Eliza’s roof for your entire childhood. And she’s your mom. It’s completely valid and reasonable to want and hope for acceptance from her.” 

“And we were all hoping,” Maggie added, as Alex's touch wandered to Maggie's fingers, firmly stroking along each digit, observing the way they curled and extended. “Because you do deserve that acceptance. But today was Eliza’s fault, not yours. You haven’t done anything wrong. And you are always, always enough.”

"It's ok if you don't feel that way yet though." Lucy emphasized with a kiss to their head. "We'll sit here until you start to feel a little better. And we'll still be with you after that."

And for a moment, the only noise was shallow breaths and the popping of crackle embers deliberately tossed in the fireplace.

Alex's fingers stilled, then tightened around Maggie's. One hand drew the blanket up to their face as a sob slipped from their lips.

“Oh, Alex,” Maggie breathed. “We’ve got you.” She let her forehead barely rest against Alex’s, breathing against the shaky air. Brushed her thumb against the back of Alex’s hand. Grounding.

"We're here, Al." Lucy rubbed one hand up and down Alex's trembling back until they trailed off into sniffles.

“I’m sorry about what Eliza started saying to you, Luce.” Of all the things that Alex could say now that they had calmed down.

“Alex” tumbled from Lucy’s lips full of disbelief, exasperation, guilt, and love all at once. Her hand stopped to trace a vertebrae low on Alex’s neck as she processed that. “I appreciate that, really. But I don’t want you to actually feel responsible for what she said. Because everything she said back there was a decision  _ she _ made. That’s not on you. And I’m ok, right now.”

Alex finally looked up and over to Lucy, searching her eyes. “You promise?”

“Yeah Danvers, I promise. About all of that. And I can rant to you guys later.” Lucy said with a little smile. 

"And you?" Directed at Maggie.

"Yeah, I'm good babe.” She reached up to brush aside the hair that had fallen in front of Alex’s face. “What’s going on in your head? What do you need from us?”

Alex's eyes met Maggie's, red and vulnerable.

"Just… hold me?"

"You don't even need to ask."

Maggie and Lucy wrapped their arms around Alex and each other, needing the closeness just as much as Alex. 

Because today hurt. 

Maybe an expected blow, but a blow nonetheless.

But this—the three of them? 

Together, they would weather this blow, and they would be stronger for it.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn’t come up with a title on my own, so this is taken from Steve Vai’s instrumental “Hand on Heart”. 
> 
> I feel like the perspective (and characterization oops) here got a little inconsistent occasionally, but hopefully it doesn’t detract from the rest of it too much? And… do you guys actually know what a chaise is? It makes it so much easier to come up with comfortable trio arrangements on the couch but I realize that it’s probably not a common word.
> 
> And as always, I’m going off my experience being trans, but since I’m not nonbinary or genderfluid, I’m always open to suggestions for improving how I portray these characters!
> 
> (I bumped this up to a T rating... I have no idea what qualifies as G vs T)


End file.
